First Event?
We've got your back!
If you haven’t been part of the kink community or what people refer to as “the scene” in the past, there are lots of things to learn! But first we want to focus on two things that shape our thriving group: Community & Consent.
Community
This group is about being around and getting to know people with similar interests in spanking and the kinds of activities and relationships that often flow from it. Our most important piece of advice is that when you come to a party you should socialize, get to know people, and focus on making friends. If you're shy or awkward or it takes you a while to feel comfortable around people, no problem! We host “socializing only” events for this very reason. They’re a great place to ask questions. And you can also always turn to the PSA team for advice or with concerns. We’re always happy to help.
You might find that some of the people you get to know and like will not necessarily want to play with you, and that’s fine too. But you should still be polite and engage them, or even be friends! Ultimately the more friends you have the more potential play partners you'll find. Sometimes nothing is better than a mentor you don’t play with, and talking to people with more experience can be the very best way to learn more about the scene. Tops, bottoms, and switches can all benefit from good friends in similar roles.
Knowing more about people in the scene and how to be a good, safe, thoughtful player—or play partner—leads to better and likely more frequent play. Care, compassion, and a genuine investment in the community generally leads to more success and happiness than competitive energy. And being respectful makes a difference. In the PSA we’re all in this together!
Last but not least: make sure to take a look at the rules for our events! We've included not just information about how we structure our parties and our "hard and fast rules" but guidelines for having a great time and information about privacy that may be especially helpful to people new to the scene!
Consent
Consent is the cornerstone of spanking and BDSM play. Before a scene (a designated time where people will “play,” or finally get to the spanking part of things) we expect people to negotiate. Negotiating means both people discuss what they are and are not comfortable with. Don’t worry if you’ve never negotiated a scene before: a more experienced party-goer or party organizers can walk you through this.
Safewords are the second part of consent. We use safewords to differentiate from screaming, yelling or signs that would indicate distress. (Pain is part of the pleasure, right?) We use the stoplight system, green for all is good, yellow for lighten up, and red for all play stops immediately. ANY player can safeword at ANY time. Along the lines of safewords, be sure to educate yourself on how to play safely. Some types of play are inherently more risky than others, and we don’t want anyone to have an accidental broken tailbone! We hope to host education classes in the future and to be part of your learning process, but as we mentioned above, a good mentor and friends are highly beneficial!
Please also be respectful and considerate when playing with others. If you did not get explicit and enthusiastic consent for an action (i.e. pulling panties down or touching body parts other than the bottom) during a scene, DON’T do it. As you develop trust and deeper relationships with the people you play with, you can always have a more intense scene with different boundaries in the future. But it is always better to have a reputation as someone who can be trusted than someone who plays fast and loose with consent. Beyond that, if we notice a persistent problem with predatory behavior or direct consent violations, it is possible that you will be banned from attending our events.